Christmas

At 1 am, I just have the urge to blog about Christmas... Yes, I know it's in a month's time.. but I really can't wait for it...

I have always loved Christmas.. it is really a season of love, joy and hope. Listening to Christmas' songs never fails to put a smile on my face. I could go all day listening to them.. this joy is just unexplainable. a joy that casts every problems away... a joy that comes from Above... a gift i would say..

it is even more powerful when you know the true meaning of Christmas... it's like this amazing, wonderful present that you could ever imagined which it's given without any condition... you just need to believe... having that faith that Christ was born and He was here on earth.. like one of us... but He was pure and holy, gentle and loving.. you can find no one like Him...

How great is that?

Holiness

I have been struck with this word recently. As I was preparing for bible study, God says, "Be holy for I am Holy."

Be Holy! God is telling my to be holy. What does He mean? What is holiness? I wonder.

Does it mean sinless? I doubt so. How can i be sinless? God can't be asking me to be sinless, can He? so, what is sin? I found out that sin in Greek means 'miss the mark'. We are sinners because we can never meet God's mark, God's standard. we sin. it is not just wrongdoing, but missing the mark. So, how can we be holy?

when God says be holy, he means setting apart for Him. That's a revelation to me in a way. i am called to be set apart for Him because He is holy. In this context, because of His character, He is sinless, thus Holy.

next question, am i setting apart for Him in my life right now? it is a struggle.

Just a thought..

What is patience? What is the antonym of patience?

Many would say is impatience.. i mean how difficult could it be? I was asked by someone about this.. and i knew it wasn't that simple.. but i just couldn't figure out what the answer is and blurted out, "Impatience la!"

However... the answer that I was told is PRIDE. Why would a person lose his patience? because of his pride.. he wants his ways of doing things, hence he doesn't want to wait, doesn't want to hear from others... only his ways because he thinks he is good...

why pride? because many times, we think that we are right... we think that we are wise... so, we lack of patience.. we can't wait, we can't endure, we can't tolerate...

I really like what my friend said.. the opposite of patience is PRIDE.

The one UP there...

I like the email teck keong sent to me when I was feeling emo about going back...

"Jesus is enough... Jesus is enough..."

Indeed,

That statement really comforted me a lot... or rather reminded me that Jesus alone is whom I should rely upon and He alone provides my needs...

The one UP there... who is always faithful, always loving, always caring... He is what I need, whom I need... Thank you...

Thank you Jesus.

It's time

After a few months, I guess it's time to write again... Looking at the screen, my mind just went blank... but it's the urge that makes me write...

In a few days more, i'm going back to UK again... excited? nervous? sad? I guess it's everything... But one thing that I'm sure is I want to grow more... It will be challenging, seeing it's my final year and being in student's ministry... but God's promise is always there.. that He will deliver me...

God,

Prepare me...

I Need You..

It's 3 a.m.

Couldn't sleep yet couldn't study...

My heart cries out to You O God... Help me during this time of distress... Grant me strength as I'm weak now...

I want to shout for joy but I feel like there's a stone suppressing my heart... I lift it all up to You... I want to lay down the stone unto You... "Cast all your anxieties." You said. for You care for me.

You are my refuge and my fortress. The only place where I can find peace... The only place where I can find comfort...

Do not turn Your back on me God... I want to feel your presence... Empower me once again!

I surrender all... absolutely everything... I'm not holding back... no strength to carry on... just relying on You because I know You will carry me through... Indeed, You are carrying me already as I only see one set of footprints... Thank You o God.

Above all else, I just want to say, "I Need You..."

I need You.

The Most Important essence in life

Indeed, Love is the most important essence in life. It seems that God has been speaking to me about Love these few days.. 

We must love or Die!

Love always wins! 

I just watched fireproof... the movie was talking about marriage and the love of God. God's love for us is unconditional. His love for us was never affected even though we rejected him, spat at him and trampled him. I was reminded by His love again and how He wants us to love others as His command said so. 

Lord, teach me to love. 

Mixed Feelings

In Dubai now.. sitting alone at the corner of McD... Listening to "I Surrender" by Vineyard... writing this post... having mixed feelings...

I guess this is the first time that I felt sad leaving UK, or should I be more specific and say leaving my friends in UK... Though I was on the verge of crying but I held back... During my flight from Manchester to Dubai, I was thinking a lot about them... events, outings, stupid comments etc about them! Somehow, I really felt really upset.. 

At the same time, I'm excited to see home as well! I want to see my family and friends back there! Can't wait to eat all the delicious local delicacies! 

But, those thoughts did not cheer me up for long.. I have this funny feeling about meeting people back home.. just wondering would it be awkward or weird.. wonder do people still the same, or rather am i still the same... feel like it's going to a "foreign" land where I don't know most of the people there... 

oh well, maybe i'm just thinking too much due to the boredom... but then again, i reflect a lot... thinking about people back in UK and home... 

Yes, I'm missing people in UK already... 

Yes, I want to be Home..

Why can't I have both at the same time?? 

hmm.. 

Thank you for Your love

Thank you for the cross

Surrender

Surrender is such a powerful word. At many times, we say we surrender our all unto God. But, in reality, do we really surrender? or just partial surrender? I struggled more nowadays to say the word surrender.. it takes a lot of faith to say that word... it is no longer just mere saying... it is much more than that! God wants us to surrender our lives, not because He's a control freak but because He loves us too much to see us making silly mistakes in our lives... He wants us to trust Him because He is omniscience and omnipotent! Nothing can bring Him down... but why? why is it so hard to say that: "I Surrender"? Lord, help me to surrender everything... help me Lord... Give me that faith... Take away that fear in me... Give me more assurance... I know i'm asking too much and I know all the facts... I just need that little push! I want to say "I Surrender" wholeheartedly. It is a journey and this journey is not easy because you can't see the future, you can't see what's happening tomorrow.. It takes faith. Trust. Surrender. 

False Impression

People always have expectation on us, in fact, most of the time, they expect you to be good, holy, kind, caring etc when you are a Christian. Hence, we as christians tend to give people the impression that we are "good" people because that's the way we should be. It is true indeed because we are suppose to bear the fruit of the Spirit which have all the 9 qualities- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. We all know that it takes time to develop this characteristics. Most importantly, we have to abide in Him as cling on to His word, persevere, obey His commands. 

But deep down in us, are we really the persons that people see? How often do we put on a mask when we are in church? are we hypocrites? Do we do whatever that we preach? Are we hiding something that is so ugly, sinful, unholy, dirty or hideous in our life? 

The Bible says, In Christ, we are free! free from all bondage, sins, strongholds etc! we are free in Christ! By saying free in Christ, does that mean that we wouldn't fall into sin again? we all know that isn't true... we all know that we have the sinful nature in us which going to cause us to sin... but can we resist temptations that are in our way? yes, we can... but sometimes we actually choose to fall into temptations because we take God's grace for granted and we know that God will forgive us again...

sigh.. it is sad...  

Assumption

Many times in life we make lots of assumptions.. However, assumptions can cause misunderstandings between 2 parties if both parties make the wrong assumptions about each other.. sometimes, we can't help it but to make assumptions... i'm just wondering, if you make assumptions about something or someone, does that mean that you're judging? 

hmm, make an example could make things clearer... for example, you met this person for the very first time and you went out dinner with this person.. as a courtesy, you ask whether he/she wants a drink... in your mind, you really didn't expect he/she would order an alcoholic drink because you know that he/she is from a very strict family, hence you assume that alcoholic drink is forbidden in his/her life! from that moment when he/she ordered the drink, your impression of this person went from good to average. Does that mean that you have judged this person? I don't know if this example make any sense.. but that is how i feel...

People always assume.. we assume that if we do certain kind of acts, we will upset that person... we assume that people will get offended, we assume that people might judge us etc etc.. yes, we use our past experience to deduce something, we use our rationality to come to an assumptions.. but in the end, are we judging that person?

it's just a random thought anyway.. 

Roller Coaster

I know that I have not been updating... I guess I am really lazy or rather can't be bothered to write about anything in this blog... Somehow, at this very moment, I need to write... Probably writing will help to reflect on things that had happened in this few months or weeks... 

Exam has ended...

Results? 

I will only know this Friday...

How's life?

I would say it is like a roller coaster...

Ups and Downs...

We all know it is inevitable...

Last week was a week where my emotions somehow went to this amusement park and took a roller coaster ride... The ride was indeed thrilling in a way where you feel sick after riding it... it takes away your breath, you almost can't breathe... you can't even scream... all you can do is just suck it all in... your face is pale as if there wasn't any blood anymore... after that ride, you just feel like vomiting everything that you ate... you just can't contain it anymore... spilling it out is really messy... in the end, you have to clean your own mess... your own sick... 

During that time, you feel so alone... like no one is there to help you... however, i thank God for friends... friends that stood by me when i was throwing up my "mess", friends that help me out when i don't know how how to clean the "mess"... that's when i feel loved... that's when i know that God has not abandoned me... He is actually with me... He sends friends to comfort me... 

I don't like it when friendship starts to turn sour... I don't know how to handle it... I don't know how to face them... I can't find the grey area... I don't know how to balance... Hence, i was tempted to take the easy way out which is sweeping it under the carpet... well, I guess sweeping it under the carpet isn't the way i resolve things... i prefer confrontation... thank God, my way works! I'm glad that this roller coaster ride has come to an end... at least after throwing up, i felt so much better... obviously, it was messy because of the sick but after cleaning up, it is fine... maybe it is true that every friendship needs to go through some kind of "trials".. if you have overcome those "trials", clearly your friendship is real! 

oh well, thank God the ride is over...

Start of something new!

Hello 2009!

Goodbye 2008...

So many things had happened in that year...

Ups and downs...

Good and Bad...

but then again,

Thank God for His faithfulness!

He still kept me safe throughout the year...

He gave me my family and my friends to support me...

without their love, i think i wouldn't be able to stand on my feet...

Looking back, i think i have not fully obeyed God...

I think i have not done my part...

I think i didn't try my best...

So many opportunities that i've missed...

So many times I've failed God...

However,

this God that i believe in did not abandon me...

He did not give up on me...

He continues to love me, give me hope and fill me with joy...

Because of his love, I'm able to give love...

By giving love, i feel loved as well...

God is right!

If you give, you receive more...

That's what i really learned in year 2008...

New Year's resolution??

simple...

DEVOTION

WORK HARD

LOSE WEIGHT

Lord, I commit this into your hands...

I pray that in the year of 2009, I will be able to stay close to you, work hard for my uni and definitely lose weight! I pray for you strength and favor to be upon me... thank you so much for your provision...In Your name I pray, AMEN!

Christmas!

Christmas . . .

I always love this season of the year...

It is the time where family and friends spend time together...

yes, i may be in a foreign land...

but...

what exactly is a foreign land?

is it really foreign?

not exactly...

i don't think is a foreign when you find your spiritual family here...

I'm really thankful that God has given me spiritual family here...

Friends whom i can call my family...

friends who cares for me...

friends who accept me for who i am...

Thank you Lord!

I know Christmas would be different this year...

Being different may not be bad...

It is just another experience...

God,

I want to thank you for the work you done in my life!

For your unfailing love

For your grace

For the cross!

Christmas is my favourite season...

because it is a season of love...

is a season of giving...

i learn to give...

give whatever i have...

give the most precious thing on earth...

which is LOVE!

Home...

Home...

Is where i was born...

Is where i was brought up...

Is where my closest people are...

Is a place where I can never find a place to replace...

Is where I can be myself...

Is where I know I'm loved...

Is where I know I'm protected...

Is where I can be vulnerable...

I want to go home...

I want to see home...

I want to feel home...

Yes, I am homesick...

especially Christmas season is here.. where everyone is going home to be with their family and friends... and yet, i am still here... i wouldn't say is a lonely christmas but is definitely different without my closest friends and family...

What can I do?

I just have to bear it, persevere it and hang on...

What can I complain?

I just have to count my blessings that God has given me here...

Do I feel sad?

Yes, Of course! but God knows what best for me... probably He has prepared a whole new experience of Christmas here!

So,

I just have to pray...

God,

Embrace me with your love

That's all i ask...

How i wish...

How I wish Christmas is here now at this very moment!!

I'm playing Christmas Carols and songs in my itunes already! Just love the atmosphere of Christmas! Thinking of buying christmas deco for my room too! hmm.. probably a small christmas tree is good!! will go hunt in town...

then again... looking at those law books on my desk isn't the pleasing to my eyes!! sigh..
there's no perfection in everything...
just have to bear with the bad things...
hmm..
probably the word "bear" isn't a good word... it is a negative word indeed...
probably i should look at the good side of things even though it may appears to be bad...
sometimes, trying to be idealistic is good..
at least it takes away all the negative thoughts...
at least you will be comforted and encouraged...
some argued that being realistic is the most practical but it will somehow brings someone down.. esp a dreamer like me..
i like dreaming big things! that's why one of my favourite character in the Bible is Joseph...
He is a dreamer...
God gave him dreams...
Dreams that is real!
Lord, help me to dream big things that you have for me!!

Packed weekend...

Phew! I'm really knackered right now after a long weekend...

First, I did not sleep at all on fri night cuz I have to wake up at 3am in the morning to catch the coach for Nottingham games! so, forced myself to sleep but i failed... decided to just stay awake at wait till 3..

Oh, btw, Nottingham Games is like a sports games for all Malaysia societies all over UK..
I went there to play netball...
Unfortunately, out team lost... but one thing, i felt we really played well! just the other teams were really strong...

then it was Sunday again!
i just love sunday!
I can meet my family and friends!!
hehe... seriously, i think i'm really attached to my church friends here..
I can't believe i actually missed them when i was in Nottingham!! it just felt so weird without seeing them on a sat or fri!!
Gosh!! we are too attached i guess.. hehe

we had sunday school training about ethics with children after service..
i thought it was good cuz sunday school here is quite different from home..
Most of the children here are from non-christian background.. and we need to watch our teaching style and stuff like that..

guess.. i really need to go to bed now before i crash in front of the laptop!

Finally..

Finally is Reading week already!

I really need this one week break to catch up with my studies!! So much to read, so much to study.. Besides that, I need this time to spend more time with God and to seek Him..

So much things happened the past few weeks! Ups and Downs.. seems to be like a roller coaster.. but it all turned out to be good...

I'm glad that student fellowship is doing the series on Friendship!
I thought it was really appropriate for everyone to think through about the friendship that we have..

Have you invested enough time in your friendship?

Have you given in efforts to sustain the friendship?

Are you going through the thicks and thins with your friend?

Is your friendship Christ-centered?

Sometimes we may think that is really tiring to make the effort, is tiring to make the initiative..

But just hang on! persevere on!

You will see the fruit really soon... those efforts, time and even tears will not go into vain.. Your friendship will grow even stronger!

I thank God for the people He put in my life. Everyone has a special place.. they all play different role in different seasons of my life!

Friendship..
sounds really familiar..
But
it is POWERFUL
it is a GIFT

I woke up this morning feeling depressed and lonely...

I wonder why...

Perhaps I miss them...

Perhaps is her...

Perhaps is just mood swing...

However, God is good!

He just send people around to comfort me and cheer me up!

I am really blessed here...

He gave me a family here that cares for me and loves me...

What can I ask for more?

I just need to keep thanking Him...

Looking forward to worship practice on Wednesday!!!

Can't wait to see all of them!

God is GOOD!