Mixed Feelings

In Dubai now.. sitting alone at the corner of McD... Listening to "I Surrender" by Vineyard... writing this post... having mixed feelings...

I guess this is the first time that I felt sad leaving UK, or should I be more specific and say leaving my friends in UK... Though I was on the verge of crying but I held back... During my flight from Manchester to Dubai, I was thinking a lot about them... events, outings, stupid comments etc about them! Somehow, I really felt really upset.. 

At the same time, I'm excited to see home as well! I want to see my family and friends back there! Can't wait to eat all the delicious local delicacies! 

But, those thoughts did not cheer me up for long.. I have this funny feeling about meeting people back home.. just wondering would it be awkward or weird.. wonder do people still the same, or rather am i still the same... feel like it's going to a "foreign" land where I don't know most of the people there... 

oh well, maybe i'm just thinking too much due to the boredom... but then again, i reflect a lot... thinking about people back in UK and home... 

Yes, I'm missing people in UK already... 

Yes, I want to be Home..

Why can't I have both at the same time?? 

hmm.. 

Thank you for Your love

Thank you for the cross

Surrender

Surrender is such a powerful word. At many times, we say we surrender our all unto God. But, in reality, do we really surrender? or just partial surrender? I struggled more nowadays to say the word surrender.. it takes a lot of faith to say that word... it is no longer just mere saying... it is much more than that! God wants us to surrender our lives, not because He's a control freak but because He loves us too much to see us making silly mistakes in our lives... He wants us to trust Him because He is omniscience and omnipotent! Nothing can bring Him down... but why? why is it so hard to say that: "I Surrender"? Lord, help me to surrender everything... help me Lord... Give me that faith... Take away that fear in me... Give me more assurance... I know i'm asking too much and I know all the facts... I just need that little push! I want to say "I Surrender" wholeheartedly. It is a journey and this journey is not easy because you can't see the future, you can't see what's happening tomorrow.. It takes faith. Trust. Surrender. 

False Impression

People always have expectation on us, in fact, most of the time, they expect you to be good, holy, kind, caring etc when you are a Christian. Hence, we as christians tend to give people the impression that we are "good" people because that's the way we should be. It is true indeed because we are suppose to bear the fruit of the Spirit which have all the 9 qualities- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. We all know that it takes time to develop this characteristics. Most importantly, we have to abide in Him as cling on to His word, persevere, obey His commands. 

But deep down in us, are we really the persons that people see? How often do we put on a mask when we are in church? are we hypocrites? Do we do whatever that we preach? Are we hiding something that is so ugly, sinful, unholy, dirty or hideous in our life? 

The Bible says, In Christ, we are free! free from all bondage, sins, strongholds etc! we are free in Christ! By saying free in Christ, does that mean that we wouldn't fall into sin again? we all know that isn't true... we all know that we have the sinful nature in us which going to cause us to sin... but can we resist temptations that are in our way? yes, we can... but sometimes we actually choose to fall into temptations because we take God's grace for granted and we know that God will forgive us again...

sigh.. it is sad...  

Assumption

Many times in life we make lots of assumptions.. However, assumptions can cause misunderstandings between 2 parties if both parties make the wrong assumptions about each other.. sometimes, we can't help it but to make assumptions... i'm just wondering, if you make assumptions about something or someone, does that mean that you're judging? 

hmm, make an example could make things clearer... for example, you met this person for the very first time and you went out dinner with this person.. as a courtesy, you ask whether he/she wants a drink... in your mind, you really didn't expect he/she would order an alcoholic drink because you know that he/she is from a very strict family, hence you assume that alcoholic drink is forbidden in his/her life! from that moment when he/she ordered the drink, your impression of this person went from good to average. Does that mean that you have judged this person? I don't know if this example make any sense.. but that is how i feel...

People always assume.. we assume that if we do certain kind of acts, we will upset that person... we assume that people will get offended, we assume that people might judge us etc etc.. yes, we use our past experience to deduce something, we use our rationality to come to an assumptions.. but in the end, are we judging that person?

it's just a random thought anyway.. 

Roller Coaster

I know that I have not been updating... I guess I am really lazy or rather can't be bothered to write about anything in this blog... Somehow, at this very moment, I need to write... Probably writing will help to reflect on things that had happened in this few months or weeks... 

Exam has ended...

Results? 

I will only know this Friday...

How's life?

I would say it is like a roller coaster...

Ups and Downs...

We all know it is inevitable...

Last week was a week where my emotions somehow went to this amusement park and took a roller coaster ride... The ride was indeed thrilling in a way where you feel sick after riding it... it takes away your breath, you almost can't breathe... you can't even scream... all you can do is just suck it all in... your face is pale as if there wasn't any blood anymore... after that ride, you just feel like vomiting everything that you ate... you just can't contain it anymore... spilling it out is really messy... in the end, you have to clean your own mess... your own sick... 

During that time, you feel so alone... like no one is there to help you... however, i thank God for friends... friends that stood by me when i was throwing up my "mess", friends that help me out when i don't know how how to clean the "mess"... that's when i feel loved... that's when i know that God has not abandoned me... He is actually with me... He sends friends to comfort me... 

I don't like it when friendship starts to turn sour... I don't know how to handle it... I don't know how to face them... I can't find the grey area... I don't know how to balance... Hence, i was tempted to take the easy way out which is sweeping it under the carpet... well, I guess sweeping it under the carpet isn't the way i resolve things... i prefer confrontation... thank God, my way works! I'm glad that this roller coaster ride has come to an end... at least after throwing up, i felt so much better... obviously, it was messy because of the sick but after cleaning up, it is fine... maybe it is true that every friendship needs to go through some kind of "trials".. if you have overcome those "trials", clearly your friendship is real! 

oh well, thank God the ride is over...

Start of something new!

Hello 2009!

Goodbye 2008...

So many things had happened in that year...

Ups and downs...

Good and Bad...

but then again,

Thank God for His faithfulness!

He still kept me safe throughout the year...

He gave me my family and my friends to support me...

without their love, i think i wouldn't be able to stand on my feet...

Looking back, i think i have not fully obeyed God...

I think i have not done my part...

I think i didn't try my best...

So many opportunities that i've missed...

So many times I've failed God...

However,

this God that i believe in did not abandon me...

He did not give up on me...

He continues to love me, give me hope and fill me with joy...

Because of his love, I'm able to give love...

By giving love, i feel loved as well...

God is right!

If you give, you receive more...

That's what i really learned in year 2008...

New Year's resolution??

simple...

DEVOTION

WORK HARD

LOSE WEIGHT

Lord, I commit this into your hands...

I pray that in the year of 2009, I will be able to stay close to you, work hard for my uni and definitely lose weight! I pray for you strength and favor to be upon me... thank you so much for your provision...In Your name I pray, AMEN!